Last Monday, for the first time in a very long time, maybe ever, I truly felt seen. I had opened up to my therapist about my life and past childhood trauma and she said to me, I want you to know that I see you. I see how you are hurting, and how you have been hurting for a long time. I did not realize how badly I craved that validation until I heard the words. In a couple sentences, she made me feel seen, heard, and understood in a way that I have never been. If you had asked me if I was a secretive person, I would have quickly explained how I am an open book. I viewed myself as a person that is willing to share information about my life and experiences without a problem. It wasn’t until therapy that I realized my idea of who I was was inaccurate. I thought I was an open book because I had no problem sharing information about my life, unless it made me feel vulnerable. I could go on and on about any aspect of my life, or so I thought. Therapy made me realize that I shy away from, or altogether avoid, conversations on subjects that are sensitive to me. I even thought I was being vulnerable and open with my therapist. In reality, I was only telling her sensitive information but not what actually made me feel vulnerable. I was sharing things with her that I thought people were supposed to share. I noticed a change when I quickly mentioned something about my family and she wanted to explore it. I realized that I had never actually gone into depth about my family and our dynamics when I would meet with my therapist. My family is a very sensitive and vulnerable subject for me. I remember an ex of mine, who I thought of randomly, stating that I never really talked about my family. At this point, he had known me for years; however, he did not know much information about a large part of my life. I would never have made this connection without therapy.
Through therapy, I have discovered things about myself. I have started to become in touch with the woman I am and also with my inner child. I have realized my flaws and weaknesses, but also realized I am more than them. I have learned to have grace and forgive myself for mistakes I have made. I am beginning a process where I can be: a better person, better friend, better daughter, better sister, better niece, etc.
I am not only writing this to give you a glimpse in my life (although it is very helpful for me). I am writing this to serve as that nudge for anyone considering therapy. Honestly, even if you aren’t considering therapy, you should still do it. It can help you in ways you never imagined. Maybe you’re like me and you’re hurting and don’t even realize it. Those emotions that you never address can unintentionally come out and have a negative impact on your current relationships. I think we owe it to others, and most importantly ourselves, to do anything we can to be the best versions of ourselves. I want to love and accept myself for all that I am. Therapy is one step in getting there.
