Happy New Year everyone! I hope that you all were able to bring in the new year safely and surrounded by love. Before the end of the year, I came to a huge realization about myself. I think that I have known about this for a long time, but was always too scared to say it out loud. Well, here it is . . . I am afraid to work hard. This may come as a shock (it did to most of my friends) but I really feel like I do not work hard. Now I know what you might be saying, “But Anthonya, you’re about to graduate from law school” or “Anthonya, you have a pretty prestigious job lined up for after graduation.” While these things may be true, I have this deep sinking feeling that I did not work for any of the things that I have. It feels like I have just been finessing life and it has been working out. 

I don’t want to make it sound like everything in my life has just come easy, because that is far from the truth. I have struggled and faced many losses and rejections. I think what lies underneath my belief that I do not work hard is a stronger fear that I will try my absolute best at something and fail. How do you heal from that? From not being good enough? I am not sure I have the answer to that; however, I have decided to no longer let my fear control my actions. After doing more soul searching I understood that this realization also comes from how I view myself. I am very hard on myself. It is difficult for me to be gentle and forgive myself for mistakes that I make. When I fail, the people around me are supportive and still believe in me. It is I that am my own toughest critic. I can and will work harder, but that will mean nothing if I am unable to be gentle with myself when I try my hardest and still do not succeed. I am using the freshness of 2022 to make some changes about that. I tried to flesh them out so I knew exactly what I wanted to work on. Here are a few: 

• I will work hard in my final semester of law school.
• I will work hard to be intentional in the decisions I make. 
• I will work hard to maintain and create healthy friendships and relationships.
• I will work hard to go to church more consistently.
• I will work hard to be kinder to myself.

I hope that these resolutions can inspire you. I think an important part about New Year’s resolutions is also focusing on loving yourself for who you currently are. If we only focus on the growth we want to make, the moment we fall short, it will be hard for us to forgive ourselves. Use this time to think about the ways you are hard on yourself and what you can do to be kinder. Be safe, everyone. And I really pray that 2022 is remarkable for us all in the ways we need it to be.