Life is hard. I think we all can agree with that statement. But, I can personally speak to the lived experience that I share with so many males in today’s society. Throughout my life, I’ve encountered a multitude of different types of males; tall, big, short, light, and dark. But the one thing that we all had in common was the innate ability to not want to share our feelings with one another or to show if we were struggling, because this is a sign of weakness when seen by the outside world.
This has been ingrained into our minds so much so that it’s an unspoken rule amongst the male population. So much so that I see it in my everyday life, and it goes unnoticed and unchecked. I hear it in the comments of people I interact with on a daily basis; I notice it in the phrasing, mannerisms, and roles they expect all men to cling to or perform. Most notably, I see it in the person I portray to the world. I don’t say this to single out men having it harder than women, no, but to say that it’s a significant problem in our present day society.
It can even be overwhelming a tremendous amount of the time. But recently, someone asked me, “You’re gonna carry all that weight?”
I sat there in silence for a moment, and I couldn’t help but remember how I felt in the few instances that I actually alerted people that I was sad or going through something, “alerted” people that I was actually a “human-being” feeling “human” emotions. And it was okay. I argue too many times that we as men try to play it cool or be these invincible individuals. And when we can’t, it makes our current feelings and circumstances ten times worse because we feel like we’re not meeting this invisible social standard. We begin to feel that we’re not “men” or “manly enough.”
I idiotically thought that if I did nothing but sit in my sadness or depression, that it would miraculously vanish, but every following second it was still there, like a fly on the wall, just staring at me. I think as individuals we should feel our negative emotions, but we shouldn’t bask in them so much that we ultimately live in them our whole lives.
I ask this to all the boys and men in the world, “You’re gonna carry all that weight?” I say this to all you and most importantly myself: you don’t have to; most importantly, not alone.
If I could leave you with anything, it’s this: have and create a community full of individuals that you trust and feel comfortable around. A huge tip for my Kings is to get into therapy; I feel no one is above this outlet, and your past and future self will forever thank you for doing this. Most importantly, never live according to anyone else’s standard of you, only yourself. You will never be soft or weak for expressing how you feel, if anything you are stronger for being vulnerable in an emotionally closed off world.
