During a group Bible study, I was asked to explain a time that I tried to “help” God with a miracle I had prayed for. When it was my turn, I shared the rabbit home I went down to find treatment for a disease I was recently diagnosed with. I still remember being astonished as the doctor told me that the disease was incurable. Nevertheless, I had hope in the fact that there was a cure or at least a treatment for the disease, but it felt as though the doctor perceived my hope as a sign of denial more than anything else. But a question I did not ask out loud, but within myself and Spirit was Lord, why me?
Romans 5:3-4 tells us that, “we can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.” I used to ponder on this verse because I did not understand how confidence played a role when it came to the promises of God. Maybe it is because a promise can only be made if there is trust, and trust can only be proved if it is tested. How else could I prove I knew the material unless I am tested? I read that He forgives my all sins and heals my all diseases (Psalms 103:3), but did I believe it? What other time would there be to believe in my healing than when I’m sick?
Even with all this knowledge, I still felt the heaviness of despair. I have to tell you that the first thought that ran through my mind was ‘I can’t live with this, God, I don’t want to live anymore.’ My emotions were so numb from shock and if I’m honest, that having faith felt like more pain and disappointment.
Because again I wondered, why me, Lord?! Is this the payment for sin I have done? The questioning left my mind blank and that’s when a still voice said, ‘Who are you in me?’
You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you (John 15:16). As a child of God, I have fruit that to bear, fruit that should abide in and with Christ, so that it will produce my request in Jesus’ name. ‘But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, gentleness, goodness, faith…’ (Galatians 5:22). The fruit of faith can only be produced in a time of testing. How will one know that you believe a thing will come to pass if you weren’t challenged that it may not?
Are you ready to fight? Not for a miracle but to see the bigger picture?
“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?’(Romans 8:31-32). As tears flowed down my cheeks, curled tightly on that examination table, my mother’s words cut through my deep sob. She said to me, you are a child of God, and if Jesus died for you, what sickness is incurable? Though my body was still in shock, my spirit agreed with and was comforted by her words. Beloved, you have to declare victory in the midst of your trials. God did not call us to be victims of trials but to be victors, coated in His glory. I pray that your triumph not only increases your faith but the capacity to receive the fruits that come with it. May your ‘Why me?’ graduate to for His glory.
