On August 28th, I celebrated my 23rd birthday. Which is something I was excited about but my “planner” spirit quickly killed the mood. All because I should be farther along my 10 year plan, right? I mean most 23 year olds have a degree and I don’t. Maybe a stable income but I don’t. Possibly a clue of what they would enjoy doing as a job but I have no idea. As I went down my extensive checklist (that I made at 13 years old) the only thing I had checked was having a car. And to say the least, I am losing my natural mind because I feel stagnant and unaccomplished. I have exhausted myself of all the options I could have but it seems like I’m being held back. God, what is going on?
I am almost certain that you have heard of Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you, “says the Lord. “ They are plans of good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. And he has. God has been giving me steps for life since I gave totally to Him two years ago.
But what happens when you reach a point where you don’t feel lead anymore, almost like you are stuck? Not having a clear plan makes me nervous and so I pray.
Because the next verse states, “In those days you will pray and I will listen” (Jeremiah 29:12). A delay may feel like God is ignoring you, but He hears your prayers. Especially in the world of college, decisions cost money. It’s safe to say I was stressed because without a decision I would be delayed in my desire of getting my Bachelor’s before I was 24 and it would have been easy to remain frustrated at the fact before realizing the deeper issue. What do I want a Bachelor’s in?
23 looked different in generations before me as my mother gave birth to me at this age while my grandmother was married and pregnant. Here I stand as the first generation to see 23 as a single adult and I feel lost. I have a rough idea of what God wants me to do but it’s only the big picture. I haven’t seen the outline of steps for this promise but that’s not what God said He would give me. When David writes, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalms 119:105), I see that a lamp’s light only illuminates what it’s next to, which means that God is guiding me step-by-step, on purpose, because faith is needed when you can’t see the steps that are further ahead.
As of right now, I still don’t know what I will get a bachelor’s in or what school will look like in the next 6 months. I am walking in a reality not known by generations before me which gives God a lot of room to do a new thing in this uncharted territory.
