November is Men’s Month here at UN-ASSOCIATED and for the month of November, our weekly Morning Devotionals will be authored by men in our community. The theme and prompt of each piece is identity and what plagues or inspires the men they presently are or aspire to be.
The journey of a man from birth to death has so many facets, featuring lows and highs and choices that quite literally make us who we are. Many have to ponder at the end of this life: What did this life make of us as men?
Ever since I was younger, I always felt like what I should do, feel, or go after was already pre-set before I could even choose for myself. From my favorite color to what career or activities I should pursue, all due to me being a man. I found that whenever I walked outside of that mold, I would be directly and indirectly guided back to what the world or my loved ones expected a man to pursue or behave like.
As I got older, the voices of the outside world and everyone in it outside of myself grew louder, and my own became more quiet until it felt like I didn’t know my own voice anymore.
This issue of individuality and preserving oneself became very apparent as I got into my teenage and young adult years because of all the bad habits and unfamiliarity with who I had become over the years. There wasn’t a follower of God in me at this time wholeheartedly, just a man who knew he never could be what God or the Word called him to be, not entirely. I always wondered if God was real. I wondered if He could save me from the very things that made me feel separated from Him, the very things that made me into the man I had come to know and see—the man in the mirror.
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? (Mark 8:36-37 NKJV).”
This verse truly personified the man I had become, the way I journeyed this world before I truly came to know Christ. As a man, the world told me I should be a “ladies’ man,” using or exploiting as many women as I could in this lifetime for my own benefit before I even considered settling down with one or thought about marriage. But God reminds us that marriage is a great gift from Him (Proverbs 18:22). Yet, before dedicating my life to God four years ago, I had totally reached what I call my rock bottom. I had become a porn and sex addict for almost ten full years, hiding that secret in a vault in the deepest and darkest crevice of my being.
The pursuit of this worldly expectation for men became the very device that caused me so much pain and misidentification with God and people until God delivered me. I felt as if I was the only one struggling with this bad habit that led me away to my own self-imposed isolation.
But after God freed me, I soon realized how many men also struggled with this issue as well. Yet, doing everything but going to God to get free of this bad habit, trying to free themselves from the bondage and slavery to sin, but only Christ can do this for us (Galatians 5:1 NIV).
Another glaring issue amongst the male community in the present day is that a lot of men struggle with being vulnerable, honest, and knowing how to share their feelings with the individuals in their lives, most notably ourselves. The gender roles created by society instruct all men that mourning what is broken, lost, or hurting in our lives is not a manly thing or socially accepted.
I mean, the Bible even says that Jesus wept (John 11:35) right? So why can’t men? The world expects men not to cry and be emotionless robots journeying this tough and trouble-filled life. Do we as a society truly know the ramifications of this type of expectation on men? How it negatively impacts us?
At the lowest point in my life, in my early twenties, I experienced a lot of heartbreak, pain, bad feelings, and thoughts due to sad circumstances. I put on a smile for months, suffering in silence, not letting anyone, including myself, feel these feelings or admit I was struggling, that I wasn’t perfect like the world told me men had to be. All of that led me to want to take my own life. I would have been successful and not here anymore, but God, in his Godly fashion, stopped me. As His word says, he is near to the brokenhearted (Psalms 34:17-20 NIV), and He was near to me.
I could talk about this subject forever because there are so many issues going on that impact and plague men worldwide and it still wouldn’t be enough. But what I can say is that I haven’t gotten through my whole life and, most importantly, the few instances I’ve shared from my life where God saved me without choosing God in some shape or form. I can’t lie to all of you men and say that I chose God every time so easily, even with the magnificent things He’s done in my life, believe it or not. It could be due to my pride and ego as a man, distrust for anybody other than myself, and, plain and simple, having to let God re-teach me and trust Him leading me. But in Him, we’re new creatures, and our old ways are gone (2 Corinthians 5:17-21). So, at the end of your life, who do you think you’re going to see in the mirror? Your version of yourself, the world’s version of you, or Jesus? Only time and our future choices will tell. Happy Men’s Mental Health Month Kings! Godspeed.
