November is Men’s Month here at UN-ASSOCIATED and for the month of November, our weekly Morning Devotionals will be authored by men in our community. The theme and prompt of each piece is identity and what plagues or inspires the men they presently are or aspire to be.
In my early years, my identity was in my mental and emotional strength. I was determined to project an image of toughness, to show that I could persevere through any situation. As a man, displaying emotional or mental vulnerability was seen as weakness—proof that you weren’t a “real man.” The solution, I thought, was to compartmentalize and push forward, as though there was some kind of prize for how much you could endure without breaking, like a macho-man bodybuilder.
I didn’t realize that this mindset was shaping me into someone unforgiving. If anyone wronged me, no matter how minor, I was quick to hold it against them for as long as I could, and if there was any way I’d forgive them, they’d have to work for it. Keeping my distance felt like self-protection, ensuring they couldn’t hurt me again. This unforgiveness, however, became a barrier—preventing me from fully understanding that I was truly loved and forgiven by God. I viewed God through the same lens as myself, assuming He required endless effort to restore His favor when I fell short.
Over time, I learned a crucial truth: it’s hard to receive what we’re unwilling to give.
“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18 NIV).
Unforgiveness not only kept me distant from people God had placed in my life, but it also hindered love from prospering. Without love prospering, I wasn’t living in obedience to Christ’s command: “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Leviticus 19:18b). This realization forced me to confront my love for myself—or lack thereof. How could I love myself when I struggled to forgive myself? Striving for perfection in everything I did, I harshly condemned myself for every mistake. Ironically learning the unforgiveness I held toward others wasn’t punishing them—it was punishing me.
Everything began to change when I accepted Christ. He showed me that true love is rooted in forgiveness. This was the love demonstrated through Him and the love He calls us to extend to others. As I grew in faith and allowed Christ to transform my heart, I saw how deeply I was living in sin—how far I had strayed from His ways of righteousness. Through this realization, I understood the overwhelming forgiveness I had received from God, and it softened my heart. I became more willing to forgive others, no matter how often they hurt me.
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’” (Matthew 18:21-22 NIV).
Ultimately, I chose forgiveness because I realized it is essential—not just for peace, but for receiving God’s blessings and forgiveness.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25 NIV).
