“Then Moses said to the Lord, “O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither before nor since You have spoken to Your servant; but I am slow of speech and slow of tongue.” So the Lord said to him, “Who has made man’s mouth? Or who makes the mute, the deaf, the seeing, or the blind? Have not I, the Lord? Now therefore, go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall say.”” Exodus 4:10-12 NKJV
I am an assertive and extroverted personality. In my culture, children of that disposition are silenced, whether in and/or out of their homes. We are a notably polite people, at least in our speech and manner, and it is beyond imagination that a child be in certain spaces, or speak in certain ways. I didn’t grow up in a home that shared this mindset, but I grew up in the country nonetheless. I therefore have a number of my childhood memories dedicated to my parents’ defence of me to the public, and to a stark awareness of my speech, body language, and the opinions of others. It is something I have carried into adulthood, and while I have mastered appropriate and expected politeness and respect, it has, to an extent, been at the expense of my personality, or at least my expression of it.
I have been living out of my country for a while now, but it is still something I carry. I am incredibly self-critical, so have resorted to avoiding spaces altogether – my reasoning is that the less I’m in the presence of others, the less likely I am to make mistakes. It has affected my confidence and my relationships, and it is a conversation I have with God very often, much of it leaning towards my asking how I can trust myself to “colour inside the lines” or at least present perfectly Ghanaian and ladylike in public. This also means that I have missed opportunities. Simply put, this experience has created a fear, because it has kept me in place. Somehow, necessary pruning became a stumbling block for me.
Recently, though, the Lord found me and set me free. I cannot pinpoint when it was, but I can identify that it was the realisation that there is liberty in Christ (2 Corinthians 3:17) that suddenly released me from those chains and that burden. I am still learning to walk in this newfound freedom, but I know with surety now that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and that my substance was seen, even as I was unformed, and in the Lord’s book all days fashioned for me were written, even when there were none yet (Psalm 139:16). I no longer take myself out of the running, but place the outcome in His hands. After all, with the strength of Christ, I can do all things (Philippians 4:13), and despite the outcome, it is all working in my favour (Romans 8:28). Most importantly, there is enough space and mercy for me to make mistakes. He does not demand perfection, only our heart, and effort. Like Moses, I have been reminded of His sovereignty, and I am therefore assured.
I share this testimony to emphasise the care of Christ and to uproot the falsehoods that have founded your fears. I pray that one day you can testify, too. Because perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18), and who the Son sets free, is free indeed (John 8:36).
