Three weeks ago, I turned 26. I liked being 25. It’s a complete number; right in the middle of 25 and 30. I don’t even mind being closer to 30, it’s just 25 is perfectly centered, you know? But I was actually looking forward to turning 26. I always look forward to my birthday. As a kid, it’s usually because you’re waiting in expectation for gifts or the celebration that you know is coming and I was excited for those things, but more than anything, I was looking forward to turning the page on 25 and starting a new chapter.
I woke up on my 26th birthday in a hotel room because I was at a conference that weekend and God has a beautiful and humorous way of answering our prayers in a way we never really imagine. I had been saying for months that one year for a birthday that I wanted to wake up in another city on my birthday. I wanted to be on a trip that perfectly coincided with my birthday and experience a birthday away from home. Did I think the city would be in New Jersey? No, but that’s the way God works and attending that conference was such a blessing and a beautiful way to enter into 26. God answered my prayer better than I could have fathomed and I woke up with such gratitude and peace. As believers and human beings in general, we take a lot of granted. We take for granted that we’re going to get to our destinations safely, we take for granted that we are always going to have the things that we have and we especially take for granted that we’re going to wake up in the morning, as if we’re owed that. But as I opened my eyes realizing I had seen the dawning of a new day, all I could do was thank God and pray in gratitude that not only had I seen a new day, but a new year of life. I was also grateful for a peace that surpasseth understanding and that’s a phrase that is used often, so let me include the verse it originates from:
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:6-7
If you recall and it’s okay if you don’t, I have not worked in six months. Or rather, I have not earned a paycheck in six months because I have definitely been working on some projects of my own. But for the first few weeks and months, I did exactly what Paul tells us not to do in verse six. I worried, I tried to take matters into my own hands all while praying. I would do that thing we do sometimes when we say we’re leaving a hardship, conflict, situation, whatever it may be in God’s hands except we don’t. We take our burden to the Lord, but we don’t actually leave it there. We worry and ache and we do something else Paul tells us not to do in chapter 2 of Phillipians. We do things out of “strife and vainglory,” which doesn’t actually solve anything or change our circumstance, it just prolongs it. But after a few months of trying it my way and failing miserably, I really gave it to God and came to the obvious and liberating conclusion that God was my provider and He would take care of me as He always had.
Setting myself free from the responsibility of taking care of myself, especially when I never have was the best thing I could have done. Whether we realize it or not, it is God who provides for us. The job you have? Provision from Him. That home you live in? Provision from Him. The closet with overwhelming options? Provision from Him. In reality, we’ve never done anything on our own and trying to fight Him for control is futile because we’ve never had it and once I relinquished control, I was set free in a way that is hard to articulate and I experienced this peace Paul brings up. Not because my situation has changed or because my life has changed in any dramatic way but because I have learned how to lean and depend on Jesus and truly trust in obey.
I was listening to Charles Stanley yesterday morning and he said we want God’s best for us and sometimes, His best is humiliation, challenge, difficulty and that resonated with me. We want God’s will only if it feels good, only if it means we don’t suffer but that’s not the way life or God works. I have gotten to a point in life where I want what God wants for me – whatever that is. God knows the desires of my heart, knows the gifts He has given me and I trust that this is all working together for my good. Looking to God and all the ways He has blessed me in the midst of my circumstance has given me a peace that surpasseth understanding. In the span of my not working, I have gone on three trips, conquered fears, overcame a stronghold I never thought I would and God has shown me all I am capable of doing with Him alone. All this is to say that our personal circumstances have no bearing upon what God can do with and for us when we trust Him and as my father would say, let God be God. The work He is doing inwardly has transformed me and prepared me for what He has for me which will come in His time. I am excited for the seeds that were sown in the year 25 and for the work He will continue to do in and through me in this 26th year. I will conclude with a scripture that is one of my favorites, is also in Philippians and encourages me, especially in this season of my life:
“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” – Philippians 1:6-7
