Oftentimes, there is a gap between what we’re feeling and what others know. We forfeit our own voice when we are feeling something, especially pain, because the people around us should already know even if we haven’t uttered a word. We believe that if we have a bond with someone – be it a friend, family or a classmate – they ought to know what we’re feeling. However, with this piece, I hope that you’re able to see the power of speaking up and using your voice.
I finished my internship this past Friday and a group project was a requirement. Now, I’m not a huge fan of group projects because, the way I see it, the more people working on something, the more susceptible the group is to miscommunications. Group projects can inhibit communication, at times, because there are too many cooks in the kitchen and as a result, sometimes, everyone isn’t heard. Eventually, we put together a great presentation and did well. But I found myself feeling ignored and cast aside. I had been feeling like that for weeks and said nothing. I didn’t even say anything until the last week of my internship. Ultimately, keeping your feelings to yourself, especially if you’re hurt, is doing a great disservice to yourself. Mentally, you’re suppressing your feelings and thus, invalidating them. You’re deciding that the way you feel is of no importance before the person that hurt you even has a chance to address the hurt or fix it.
Additionally, here is another reason your voice is important:
“For who knows a person’s thoughts except his spirit within him?” 1Corinthians 2:11
Keeping quiet about how I was feeling in my group took a little out of me every day because I was the only one who knew I was hurt. I was mad at the people in my group because I thought they should’ve known that I wasn’t feeling heard – that something was wrong. And the fact that they didn’t know made me even more upset. But I realized something. How can anyone know that they’ve hurt me if I don’t tell them? No one can read my mind. The only way my truth can be known is if I speak it. Holding feelings like that in wasn’t fair to me or my mental health, but it wasn’t fair to my group either because I never expressed those feelings. Sometimes, we assume that however we are feeling, people must know, but as Paul reminds us above, no one knows what is going on in anyone’s head but that person.
Dr. King said that our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. The context for which he said that was the Civil Rights Movement, Jim Crow, etc. However, I would argue that things that matter encompass more than racial inequality. I believe he would agree with me that you are a thing – a person – that matters. Don’t be silent.
