I believe we’ve all waited for that “perfect opportunity” to do something: to take that big leap, talk to that person we may like romantically, step into the unknown, new job opportunities, etc. In all these instances I’m sure we’ve thought that there has to be a “perfect” moment in order to take that first step and ensure success in the end. But what if there is no “perfect” moment? Do we still take that first step or leap? In the midst of it, it may not have been that we lacked a “perfect” moment, but “belief”.

Growing up, I always felt that I was too far gone to be a Christian, that too many bad hands had been dealt to me, and that I was doing too many things that were opposite of what God wanted us to adhere to.

I lacked the belief that someone like me, with all that I had been through and done, could ever be a follower of Jesus. I believed that Christians were these perfect beings that had no faults, were happy 24/7, and were these perfect people with white-picket-fences and great lives with no worries. I, on the other hand, had the exact opposite experience: I was continually sad growing up, never could truly grasp what others saw or felt in God, and felt my instances dealing with near-death experiences (battling cancer and getting shot at) were for sure signs that meant I couldn’t be Christian because this isn’t what their lives are supposed to feel or look-like.

I believed God had to hate me due to all that had happened to me and the ungodly things that I had done in just my short 15 years of life. Most notably, I had been a slave to porn and masturbation for almost a decade, seeing no end to my addiction. So my being saved was something I just couldn’t imagine, something just too improbable to believe in. I believed my circumstances were a signifier of my place in this world and of my value to God. I suspect many of us have trusted this narrative in our heads. Maybe we shouldn’t believe that we as individuals or our circumstances aren’t “perfect” enough for God, but rather opportunities for God to do a work in and through us for His glory.

Throughout the Book of John, we see Jesus doing miraculous miracles for some of the most improbable and cast-out people in society. From John 4, Jesus speaking to the Samaritan woman; to John 5, Jesus healing a man who could not walk; John 8, a woman caught in adultery; and John 9, Jesus restoring sight to a man who had been blind all of his life. In this small pool of different instances from the Book of John, people questioned Jesus on his association with the afflicted or accused. Some even went as far as to suggest maybe why those individuals were going through what they were going through (John 9:2).

But Jesus mentioned two key things in the Book of John that many of us should hold on to. That only the sinless can judge the sinners (John 8:7-9 NLT) and that some of the very things we are ashamed of or feel disqualify us from being saved may be the very thing God uses to get the glory out of or possibly to shadow in others and showcase the boundlessness of his power (John 9:3 KJV).

I imagine many of us have those thoughts about whether we are good enough for this or that. I believe many of us question whether we are worthy of or even are Christian. We base our analysis on how we came to be Christian in the first place or on the daily ways we fall short of what God calls us to be. I think we never reference that we’re imperfect people living in an imperfect world. In our carnal minds, it’s easy to seek perfection in our careers, school, relationships, and most importantly ourselves. I tell you that it’s impossible to be perfect. This may take the wind out of your sails, but it is liberating to know we don’t have to meet this unattainable marker in life.

A close friend of mine recently mentioned something that had taken me back. She mentioned we often analyze and judge if we’re a Christian or the right kind of Christian a lot. But she highlighted that if you aren’t questioning whether or not you’re Christian or Christ-like, then you wouldn’t be it. Simply put, the questioning and the desire to even ascribe to be like God is only indicative of the fact that you are on the right path.

The constant theme I believe that the Book of John and Jesus is trying to highlight to us is that you have to believe. Our beliefs can be the very things that make us or the very things that break our hopes and spirits. I understand we as people are visual people, so we need to see stuff to truly get behind something. So I hope you look at the dark depths God has brought and is continually bringing me from, and more, your own depths and places you and God only know you used to be. Let those things be the fuel to the fire of belief that God is doing a work for and in you. You’re always an opportunity with and for God.

Scripture Reading: John 4:1-26, 5:1-15, 8:1-12 & 9:1-12