Closed mouths don’t get fed is honestly one of my favorite phrases and how I try to model my life. How is anyone supposed to know how to help you or do anything for you if they do not know what you need or require? The answer is..they can’t. Holding in feelings and not sharing what can be done to help can harm many relationships, friendships, and partnerships. On a larger scale, it can be detrimental to a community in various ways. This article is going to lead you, the reader, through a scenario to show how not addressing needs and concerns had more than individual effects.
SCENARIO
A group of like-minded individuals is working on a project to better a low-income, marginalized community. The group is diverse and full of people with different ethnicities and backgrounds. There is only one person in the group that was born and raised in the community the group is helping. While the ideas of various group members sound helpful and creative, none of them are catered towards the community and address its immediate needs. Because the one person in the group that is from the community is shy and has a hard time speaking up, they remain quiet and let the rest of the group decide what should be done and to what extent. Months later once the project is finished, it is nice and all, but it did little to nothing to actually benefit the community. To make this example more clear, let’s say the community needed new donations of books to the local libraries or public schools and the group painted a mural about unity. Or they needed toiletries and clothes to be collected for local shelters and the group planted flowers as a beautification project. The things they did were nice and selfless, but they did not address the community’s needs. The group members who were actually knowledgeable about the community and knew what they needed could have spoken to prevent this from happening.
A reason that can stop people from stating needs and concerns is that they view the act of speaking up as aggressive and confrontational. We need to unlearn that mindset. Speaking up for yourself is a necessity, not just an option. The only way people can understand how to better assist you is by knowing what you need. Our society puts it in our heads that we need to be solely independent and never rely on anyone or anything, especially if you are a person of color whose family has struggled. People expect you to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and find your own way…yea, that’s a no. Like the late, great Bill Withers said, “we all need somebody to lean on…lean on me.” Not being able to speak on needs can affect people on an individual, community, and national level. You are not being aggressive or pushy by demanding that your needs are addressed. Holding it in can hurt physically and emotionally. It can break relationships with people. So I urge everyone that once a week, try to speak up for yourself or a group that needs it in some capacity. It doesn’t have to be about donating books or painting a mural. Start small and see your world change for the better.
