I’ve often heard that comparison is the thief of all joy. After experiencing it for myself, I’ve come to find that statement 100% true. During the process of writing my first editorial for Un-Associated, I sat in front of the computer re-reading all the editorials on our site. Sitting there reading all the beautifully written stories by my team I began to compare myself to them. Because they were of such high quality, I kept thinking to myself, I am not cut out for this, I am not a writer, this is not what I do… This is their thing, not mine. I lost the focus and confidence I had in myself by thinking that their writings set the bar for how “good” my writings would be. I was so excited about joining the team and being able to write until I started looking at what everyone else had done. It was harder for me to write that night – something that I usually love to do, but I compromised that joy allowing comparison to set in. 

I think most people tend to resort to comparison when they’re either feeling inadequate or overly confident. Either way, comparison is a dangerous game. You look at someone and see what you lack. You look at someone and see what they lack. You look at strengths versus weaknesses. You look at finances. You look at routines. You look at relationships, etc. The common and most threatening factor in all of this: you, looking at things and people, that are not yourself. We so carelessly shift our focus to others rather than focusing on ourselves and everything we are and can be.   

When we look at the lives of other people, we allow that to become the standard for where we think we should be. We take for granted what we have and the things we can do when we make our goals someone else’s accomplishments. Comparison causes you to second guess everything you’ve worked hard for and put a higher value on everything that someone else has. Your gifts and your talents all of a sudden aren’t as important or profitable. If you ever find yourself in a space mentally where you’re doubting yourself, and have tendencies to look at how others have succeeded and build them up, make sure to be showing yourself that same love, if not more. It is important to take time to acknowledge all that you are. Give yourself the credit you deserve. Also know that it’s okay to want to improve and be better – growth should be a goal that you have, but your desire to grow should not be rooted in the differences between you and another person. You put so much time and effort into the things your heart is in and you should be proud of yourself for that. Don’t let anyone one or anything take that away from you.

Many people fail to recognize the comparisons they make when they’ve accomplished something great. Some, as a sort of ego booster, spend their time comparing themselves, looking at how much more they’ve done than the next person. Their time of celebrating accomplishments turns into a session of belittling someone else. You can’t enjoy achievements or take time to celebrate yourself if you’re busy looking at what someone else is doing, or in this case not doing. This usually happens when our hearts aren’t in the right place. When our motives are off, our victories look a little different. Our victory isn’t our accomplishment anymore – it’s the fact that we accomplished it before someone else did. Make your successes and your triumphs personal. Do the things you do to make yourself proud, despite what others have or haven’t done.

One thing to remember in this world of comparison is that there is a unique and special design for our lives, planned out by God, and each of us experience different moments in our respective times. Don’t give comparison the authority to steal your joy. Know that your gifts and talents were specifically made for you by the One who created the universe, and recognize how blessed you are to be you. 

“Comparison is an act of violence against the self” -Iyanla Vanzant