Last week, I wrote about not underestimating the value of a compliment and, by extension, the value of our daily contributions as people. But accepting a compliment is the easy part. What do you do when you’re critiqued and instead of compliments, your friends and peers have comments and notes or point something out to you that you may not have realized or don’t want to hear?
Earlier this week, I was conversing with my mother about how my piece was spoken about in my writing class in great length. In fact, the professor suggested the entire class do an activity on how they’d rewrite the ending to my story. As I told my mother about it, I was offended. I felt challenged in a way that was not precedented because my professor had never created a writing exercise out of anyone else’s work.
I should’ve prefaced this by saying that my father sat on his bed as my mom and I talked, and though he was silent, he was listening. When my mother and I’s conversation hit a pause, he sat up and said: “ you’ve got it all wrong .” Of course, I had no idea what he was talking about. He referred to a scripture – 1 Corinthians 11:28 – and said “But let a man examine himself” illuminating that even if a suggestion or comment was made that I didn’t like or necessarily agree with, it is worth reflecting inward on why I made those deliberate choices. His finer point was that the professor asking the class to rewrite the ending to my story had nothing to do with me and everything to do with them and his desire to use me to better the class. After all, writing exercises are to enhance writing skills and to help generate ideas and techniques, and this exercise – that so happened to be around my story – was no different.
We often take criticism personally and perceive it as an attack when it really exists to sharpen us.
While my writing style is MY writing style, and changing it would be inauthentic to myself as an artist, keeping in mind and even reflecting on the critiques given doesn’t do me any harm. Quite the opposite actually – it helps to make me better. We are not entitled or forced to necessarily put those things into practice, but taking the comments and thoughts of others under advisement is important, even if we don’t change a thing. Sometimes, criticism exists simply to make us aware of the opposition, because for all our thoughts and ideas there is another side and perspective. Examining one’s self does not mean changing upon other’s requests and comments, but it does mean reflecting on those things and taking accountability, as well as stock in your choices and actions – even if you believe you have done everything right.
Imagine going through life with everyone loving you, surrounded by nothing but Yes-Men who don’t challenge you or your ideas. Not only is that unrealistic and not the way life plays out for anyone but there is no room for growth when there is no opposition. Put it this way: it is the examination and reflection upon others’ critiques and judgments that create conviction. If everyone agrees, there’s nothing to examine. But when we are shown a new perspective or ours is questioned, we can discern who we are and what we stand for.
