So I’m sitting on the floor one night – meditating. I was very anxious this night because in just a couple of days there was something that I needed to do in order for me to retain my self-image. Maybe that perspective is an exaggeration. I at least felt like that was all at stake. Long story short, I needed to accomplish something in a couple of days in order for me to feel like I was still me. I thought to myself, if I didn’t accomplish this task, and ultimately failed, who would I be?

Now this wasn’t the first time I’ve put so much pressure on myself. I’ve formed a bad habit of allowing my accomplishments to determine my self-worth and identity. And I thank God that I have grown in this area. This night in particular, I answered the question, “who would I be?” I finally answered it correctly. Normally my answer would be “a square”, “ a loser”, “ugly”, etc. But no, this time was different. My answer was, “Still E – still Emmanuel.” 

You see, I’ve been living on this planet for 22 years. I have won a lot, and have lost a lot. I am no stranger to failure. Just in the past year and a half that I’ve been doing UA, I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve failed both publicly and behind the scenes. This time, when I answered the question, I thought about how all of those failures affected me in the past, and to be honest the process of getting through failure was always the same. I would feel sad, I would feel bad, but then – ultimately – I would GET OVER IT AND CONTINUE TO BE EMMANUEL IHEKE, JR. I thought to myself: Every time I thought failure would mean the end, the continuation of my life proved that thought to be a lie. Every time that I have failed, eventually I got back up. I am 22 years old now and am the most confident I’ve ever been in my life. And this is after all the failures I’ve faced. If I can be who I am now (someone I love) after all that I’ve failed in, then that means failure really isn’t that effective in my life (at least when it comes to harming me).

After I would fail, I would remain Emmanuel. This is because I realized that the wins and losses happened to me, but didn’t define me. I realized that “failure Emmanuel” is just Emmanuel without the prize I was gunning for. And in every case, that prize I was gunning for never made me Emmanuel in the first place… sooooo I’m just Emmanuel all over again.

I have come to fall in love with the Emmanuel that has nothing attached to him. I love the Emmanuel at rock bottom just as much as I do the Emmanuel on top of the mountain. Why? Because he’s the same guy! Win or lose, I get to be me when my head hits that pillow at night. That right there is the real prize. 

I implore you to love “you” with and without all the accolades and accomplishments. When you love who you are without any extensions or cover up, you will be surprised at how unbothered you can feel after a loss or even a win. I don’t want to only like me when I win something, I want to like me all the time – and you should think the same way.