God has really had time to teach me about His love, and I must say that I still have a long way to go before I fully grasp His teaching. For the first time in my life, God needed me to see the difference between being a bad son/child versus being human. I think I should share it with the world because I cannot be the only one that needs to see things in a different way.
But first, I should start by saying that I totally understand what judgment and justice are about. I mean, looking around, it is not hard to miss a convincing reason why we really need punishment. When the Bible talked of darkness over the earth and thick darkness over the people (Isaiah 60:2), I get it. Besides, let’s not pretend like the cancel culture is not quickly taking over every aspect of our lives. Just the other day, almost everyone was talking about a quote; “We quit church, not God.” It may be a skewed perspective, but I get it. I get the church hurt and trauma. But I also get the point of God’s justice. I get all of it.
But even then, I should say that I am learning about the Father’s heart. So much of what goes on in the world must hurt His heart. Imagine having all your kids care little to zero about each other or about you. Imagine investing all you have in them, and having little to no return on your investment. Yet still, you keep pouring.
I had been having continual weeks of very high highs, but also deep lows. I felt like I was nailing it in the Christian walk, and then there would be this one day that would make me question everything. Of the 30 days of the month, about 25 to 28 of those were pure bliss. But then those few days in between would really crush my heart. They made me question my heart’s posture and love for God. They made me want to give up walking the way altogether. But then God!
God started showing me the difference between being human and being a bad son. He pointed me to the popular story of David. See how God called David a man after God’s own heart, even though we know he erred and fell short. David went miles to plot the death of his friend, just to marry and be with his wife (2 Samuel 11-12). Wouldn’t this be considered among the highest points of betrayal? Still, God considered David differently and did not hold his sin against him.
The reason is that David was always a man first before he was a man of God – and so are we all. Being Christian comes after being human. We exist in this world as humans, which translates to being in the fallen nature. It is why the Bible emphasizes that we crucify the flesh, daily (Galatians 5:24). You have to wake up each day and choose to prioritize your spirit, not your body. But even then, you cannot underplay your existence on earth as a human being. Your human nature will always show up in the things that you do. However, your stance as a son of God must fight for its place in your life.
Therefore, God revealed to me that being human does not write you off from being a son. Instead, being human is evidence that you need His grace to be able to do sonship well.
Desiring to excel in your Christian walk is great, but it will always be countered by your human nature. If you mix those up, you will always be at the mercy of guilt – and it is anything but merciful.
You cannot let yourself be trapped in the rabbit hole called guilt. Its fruit is shame, hiding, and invalidating your worth. It creates a new cycle of destructive choices that further damages your perspective on sonship. If you can learn from David, you would know that however big his mistake was, it made a difference that he came to God like that. I always like to talk about approaching God with filthy hands. The goal is not to dirty God in His holiness, not that we even could, but rather to submit to Him our human weaknesses and fallen nature, to counter guilt.
When you are in the middle of your mess, that is the perfect time to go to God. Don’t talk yourself into waiting until you get your act together before you go to Him. While the point is not to choose filth and then go to God, even in it, you can always go to Him.
Still, be ready that God will require a ready heart that is flexible to change. You may approach Him as you are, but it would be a lie to hope that you can stay with Him as you are. His standard will always be holy. He even tells us to be holy as He is (1 Peter 1:16). Therefore, when you approach God in the midst of your mess, know that He won’t turn you away. However, know also that He won’t let you stay the same.
