I feel like we all look back at our past with happiness, sadness, and sometimes, discomfort. Lately, in quarantine, I have been constantly looking back on my past with multitudes of cringeworthy emotions when it comes to things I said or did for people, and it’s been leaving me with a blanket of embarrassment and shame. Don’t get me wrong, we can learn a lot from your past such as what not to do in certain situations, when to let go of someone or something, how to carry yourself in certain aspects, and how far you’ve come as an individual in life as a whole. I think most of us wish we could just get those times back to do better and show whoever, or ourselves, that we are better than what those situations portrayed us to be. I feel like this has to deal with trying to be perfect in a world whose own foundation isn’t even perfect itself, so you’re setting yourself up for inherent failure. I know, for me, it has to do with my ego getting the best of me and always wanting to come out on top in everything, seeming perfect to the outside eye. But the quote that kept reminding me to calm down and accept things for what they are was, “If you knew better, you would have done better, so now you know better, so do better.” In other words, don’t let that situation or instance dictate how you see or value yourself – it’s a counterproductive thing to do.

I feel like we all get caught up in the past so much that we start believing in it more than what we do our current situations and selves. We start to adopt the ideas and nature of what our former selves were and forget and forsake who we are, how far we’ve grown and how we have changed for the better. I’ve fallen victim to this so many times, but I have to check myself. I am not that, I am better, I’ve grown, and I am greater. We have to forgive our past selves for not knowing better during those times what we know now. It is hard, yes, but doable. When we ask God for forgiveness and we truly repent, he cleanses us from our sinful slate and we’re brand new, so why can’t we do the same for those moments of our past selves? Sometimes we have to let go and let God. Maybe we had to experience those embarrassing or challenging moments in order to grow into the person we currently are. I guess it all comes down to perspective. My mother always taught us, “If you can’t laugh at situations from your past, you’re not living life right.” Meaning, if we want to be truly free of our old selves and situations, maybe we have to just laugh and say, “I’m glad I know better now.” The goal of life isn’t to be perfect in every way possible, but genuine. I argue if you put your best foot forward with all the knowledge you know at that moment in time, you are doing your very best and that’s fine. Just give yourself some room for grace when things don’t go how you ultimately want them to. 

If you don’t believe in yourself at the moment, let go of your past and be new in the future. Realize you are not your past at all, but you are better, and forever growing. Use me as motivation. A few weeks ago I was a guy just posting my writing on my Instagram story to family and friends, now I’m an Un-Associated writer reaching you. I Am > I Was.