As a young girl who grew up in church, marriage was something to look forward to. “I’ll marry the love of my life, and we’ll live happily ever after!” Though it seemed innocent, I unknowingly centered my focus of happiness, security, and livelihood on a man to make me his wife. The verse, ‘He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD’ (Proverbs 18:22 NIV), was always preached at every women’s conference in church. God’s word is true, but the connotation placed in that setting was that the only good thing to be is a wife. So why would you want to be anyone else?
As a woman, the paint brush of our purpose has been given to culture to paint whatever seems fitting to what a woman should be. Though being married is a blessing, it has become a status that is dangled in front of women as bait for contentment. “When I get married, then I will be good.” This belief makes this unfulfilled desire look more like a roadblock, a reason why you haven’t gone to new levels in your life.
I need all women to understand this when I say it, so prepare yourselves.
Your purpose may involve getting married, but that’s not the cornerstone that you stand on. ‘Together, we are his house, built on the foundations of the apostles and the prophets. And the cornerstone is Christ Jesus himself’ (Ephesians 2:20 NLT).
The difference between a desire and an idol is what you believe will sustain you in the end. ‘Do not turn to idols or make metal gods yourselves. I am the LORD your God’ (Leviticus 19:4 NIV). I admit, I believed that I would be fulfilled and sustained if I just had a husband, but that’s God’s place. Marriage is often viewed as a savior for women, especially in the church, but Jesus Christ is our only Savior. It’s not that desiring to be married was a bad thing for me, but making it my god, my hope was fallen and out of order.
Where do we go from here if you truly desire to be married? First, assess your motive for that desire. As I started to follow the breadcrumbs of my yearning, I found insecurity. The tendency of insecurity is to find something or someone to fix it because we don’t see ourselves free from it. However, ‘Who the son sets free is free indeed’ (John 8:36 NLT) so I have no reason to look unto anything else for my freedom. Second, pray to God about it because marriage is a blessing from God and it’s his desire to bless you. ‘Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.’ (Psalms 37:4 ESV). The problem was never that I wanted to get married, it was that I didn’t distinguish between the giver and the gift.
Marriage is a blessing created by our Father in Heaven, a gift. ‘ Whatever is good and perfect is a gift coming down to us from God our Father, who created all the lights in the heavens’ (James 1:17 NLT). It was never meant to present itself above Him, or as something that is an obstacle when it comes to your self worth. Whether you are single, wife, widow or divorcee you were made in God’s image.
