This generation’s idea of love seems to be so tainted compared to what it used to be. I always hear people talking about how they want that 90’s R&B old school love back, where the lyrics instantly made you want to call whoever up and fix whatever was broken. It was the kind of love you could feel through the beat and the kind of passion you could hear through the lyrics. Now, a lot of “love songs” are about sex or the struggles of trying to win someone back, after already breaking their heart or their trust. I’ve often heard the quote, love is a losing game but, who really loses in the end -the one who’s love is lost or the one who doesn’t love at all?
Unashamed to admit it, I am definitely one of those people who advocate hard for the 90s R&B type love to make its way back into the 2000 teens. Not to say we don’t have some pure, passionate, love music in this generation, but music from back then just gives me a different feel. Because our music today tends to glorify almost everything but a stable, committed relationship, I can’t help but wonder the influence it has on the way millenials and gen z-ers view love. When I talk to most people today, there is always a fear of putting their heart into someone else’s hands – the fear of investing your time into relationships only to be let down. Now these fears are completely valid, but how far can we get with the mindset that everyone is out to hurt us? How many times can you think of a situation where fear held you back from something you could’ve really enjoyed? Oftentimes, people get so caught up in the negative possibilities of being vulnerable, they fail to see all the benefits. The fears of what could happen if you were to share your life with someone shouldn’t hinder you from doing so, but rather encourage you to be that much more diligent in your choice about who you share your life with. We hear songs and see stories everyday about someone getting disrespected in their relationship, or one person is doing the other wrong, and society strives to put the negative on display and leaves us to go look for the positives ourselves. Personally, I think that’s why so many really good R&B artists are slept on. They don’t get the attention they deserve because they’re not promoting the ‘lifestyle’.
Missing out on happiness because of fear is just one side of this ‘losing game’ called love. The other side is pushing past those fears, opening up your heart, and getting hurt in the process. Most people, by their young adult years, have experienced or witnessed some form of heartbreak. I’ve seen it happen over and over where a girl falls head over heels for a guy and ends up being used or manipulated or where a guy finally opens up to a girl and she uses his vulnerabilities against him or just takes advantage. This is what most people fear when investing their time and feelings into a relationship. Some people don’t realize that in heartbreak, you experience the same withdrawal symptoms and feelings you would if you were trying to fight a drug addiction (a little psychology for you). Heartbreak can be one of the most painful but, impactful experiences in a person’s life. You feel as if you’ve wasted so much time, you have regrets, you start to develop the fear of it happening again. When heartbreak is involved, love does become a losing game.
Our perceptions of love seem to be based upon either our personal experiences or the experiences of others. Personally, the idea that love is a game is an illusion and a destructive way to think. Viewing love as a game, or something to be played, rather than an investment creates a dangerous narrative. This narrative involves fear, insecurities and the expectation of negative outcomes. When your love is God-ordained, everything you used to question about it fades into the security of God’s plan for you. When love is a game, we rush into things rather than waiting for God to send that right person. We’re quick to get involved with someone without knowing their goals or values for the relationship and set ourselves up to be disappointed. Your outlook on love changes when you allow God to establish it. One thing we have to remember is, God will always bless what He has His hands on. What He’s ordained, won’t fail, so if you’re ever wondering why a relationship didn’t work, there’s a chance it wasn’t His doing in the first place.
