I feel a lot of times in life we so desperately live to please others and forget to please the most important people – ourselves. We see this most of the time in how we dress, talk, or just how we move around in the world. It’s always to please any and everyone’s idea of what we should be, and never our own. At times, it feels like that’s what we’re supposed to do like it’s normal or something. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I feel the moment we start living to please others is when we start losing our sense of authenticity, and ultimately, the things that make us unique or us.
Recently, a friend asked my opinion on some shoes, if they were good or not, and I thought to myself, they’re cool, but not my style. Even though they weren’t my cup of tea, it doesn’t mean they weren’t as stylish or just as cool as some shoes I would wear. But it got me thinking about how we first see if others like things that we love, and if they don’t, we forget we liked those things all together because others don’t. For most of my life, I was living for others to accept me for whoever and whatever. But I think I forgot to accept myself along the way. When I say that I’ve wasted thousands of dollars to buy shoes and clothes over the years, I mean just that, thousands of dollars, just so people would say I was this idea of “cool” or acceptable in society. I write this laughing because I’m glad I learned this lesson early on in life and I can now discern who and what I’m doing or buying this for, whether that be to please myself or society. I had to check myself on a lot of things in my life and who I was actually doing it for. Was I going to college for my parents or to better my future? Was I posting this picture with this caption to get a whole bunch of likes from random strangers, or because I genuinely wanted to for me? Was I working out to look and feel good for myself or for others’ validation? And most importantly, was I living to please others or myself at the end of the day? I feel like these are some questions we all should be asking ourselves often.
In a watered-down sense, I feel like that’s what life is about at times – who are you trying to impress? From my perspective, at times, it seems that life is a popularity contest. It shouldn’t be, but that’s reality. However, that’s not a reality you have to accept. I think we as humans seek too much approval from others, and we rely on it to make small and big decisions, asking, “I wonder what they (the world) would think?” We should do as Psalms 37:4 says, Delight yourself also in the LORD and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Add ourselves to this equation. Meaning, we should be happy pleasing ourselves and try and do this over pleasing others or meeting their expectations if that means forsaking our own. Others’ validation is like everything on Earth – momentary and unfulfilling, but validating ourselves is like God – constant, forever, and fulfilling. No amount of outside validation or praise will truly fulfill you as much as your own. So each and every day I hope you keep adding more and more of that to your life.
