Well since I just turned 21, it’s only right that I write about popping bottles – not the kind you think though. I’m talking about the kind of bottles I’ve dealt with since long before I reached 21, the figurative bottles we keep inside of our heads that continuously store our negative emotions and feelings. Every time something happens, we put our feelings into these bottles that are filled when we avoid and deny our feelings until one day the bottle is full and we just burst. Thus, popping bottles.
For as long as I’ve been able to communicate, expressing my negative feelings has always been an issue for me. If you know me, I have no problem whatsoever sharing my positive feelings; in fact, I will run my mouth about them forever but for my negative feelings, I’ve been filling that bottle for quite some time. The way I saw it, it was a shield from conflict which ultimately allowed me to ignore how I was feeling, and minimize my problems. For years, I’ve been okay with all these things. I’ve always hated conflict so if that meant I’d keep my feelings to myself to avoid it, I was all the way down for it. The icing on the cake was the pressure to be perfect – I was convinced that I had to be composed at all times. I couldn’t have internal conflicts while trying to help others with theirs so allowing my problems to live in my head made them much smaller and further back in my mind. This was such an unhealthy way to live; I never spoke up for myself – about anything. Things as little as, “I don’t like when you say XYZ…” and as big as “I feel this when you do that..” never came out of my mouth. I was doing myself a disservice by forcing myself to put up with certain behaviors and never addressing the things that were bothering me.
The thing about emotional build-up is that it will all come out. One way or another, with bottles big or small, if you continue to let your emotions build up, your bottle will pop. The bottle popping can manifest itself in different ways – like by way of anger, mental breakdowns, emotional fatigue, stress and anxiety – in any way really. You’re releasing all of your trapped emotions, all at the same time, which, adding insult to injury, still doesn’t allow you time to process and acknowledge them. All you know is, you’re hurt and you’re angry. You, then, have to deal with the aftermath and confusion that comes with your explosion and regret that you ever even exploded. It is not horrible to want to keep your feelings to yourself but it is important to understand the repercussions when you do.
Working on speaking up and advocating for yourself can be a long process, especially when you’re like me and can’t quite seem to get the words out. Expressing negative feelings is something foreign to you because you’re used to being the positive, happy-go-lucky type of person. If your reasoning for keeping your feelings to yourself are any similar to mine, it is imperative that you learn how to choose yourself first. When it comes to our emotional health and well being, it is vital. Understand the significance of expressing your emotions, but also understand that expressing your emotions doesn’t resolve issues- it’s just the first step towards resolution. Sometimes, we have to pick our battles. Recognize the things you can process on your own and the things you have to be vocal about. Emotional check-ups are equally important for preventing your bottle from popping. Check in with yourself to process, accept, and take ownership of your feelings. Give yourself time to feel what you’re feeling and realize that it doesn’t take away from your strengths nor add to your weaknesses. You are stronger for acknowledging your emotions, and even stronger for honoring them.
