I’ve done a lot of heart work in the past year to be able to answer the question of who I am correctly. I’d wholeheartedly say that I’m Sam, a 22-year-old, making the attempt in every opportunity to commit to doing the Lord’s work.

What I am un-associated with ties into how I came to understand and answer the question of who I am. I used to define myself by the things I did and achieved. I’ve always excelled in the areas I’ve committed to like school, sports, and even maintaining the look of being a good person. Soon enough, those areas became the things that defined me because I had to constantly try and hold up those masks for everyone to see, even when things got tough.

I couldn’t see what else there was to life than (1) doing things to be approved by the people around me and (2) doing “Christian” things to be able to back up my own self-righteousness. I used to want to gain success by the way the world taught me, which is to say by my achievements and productivity, and I refuse to let that be my standard now. The things I do shape me, but they don’t define me. Everything I do is unto the Lord, putting in work for His glory. My faith has helped me get through this pandemic by showing me that my relationship with God is all I need. Identifying in Christ and walking with God is something I cannot afford to turn away from, especially while the things we commonly define ourselves with (work, internships, college life, social media, trends, etc.) are all fighting for my attention.

The word on my heart at the beginning of the pandemic was “content.” Very early on during it, I realized I had no control over the situations shifting in my life. As a result, I gave my circumstance to God and he filled me with a level of peace/content I had never experienced before. Now looking back, it was a continuous flow of contentment. From the moment the COVID cases/deaths started rising to the civil unrest throughout the nation, I was in a place where my submission to God was keeping me still, in a time where it seems like I shouldn’t be at peace at all.

The greatest trial I have overcome is myself and defeating the identity I created. Years of trying to live for my own gain and the likes of other people hindered me from accepting the fact that there was a heart issue. Coming to understand the truth of the Gospel years ago didn’t fully take root personally until after I got baptized in January of 2020. By putting to death my old ways and overcoming the sin in my life, through Christ, the impact it has had on my life has been amazing.

By distancing myself from personal gain and daily practicing to conform my renewing mind to the ways of Christ, I’ve been able to be more compassionate toward people and open to hearing their stories, and it also inspired me to share my own. Where I am now, as I continue to deepen my relationship with God, has made the words of Paul in Philippians 1 become more and more clear. “Living means living for Christ, and dying is even better” (NLT).

I have learned a lot in the past year, both about myself and about God’s power and faithfulness, and if there is any message or lesson I would like to share with the community it is not to idolize anyone! You can look up to people and be inspired, as well as learn from them, but don’t make an idol of anyone. Even yourself. One thing I’ve come to understand is, if I can’t even remain faithful to myself, and keep in step with my own words/plans, how can I expect another person to be able to do that for me? By placing people on pedestals, you invite disappointment to be right at the doorstep. Instead, get to know God and His faithful character. Understand that He has always kept his word and he will continue to, forever. Jesus is someone you can put your trust in and is someone who will always be a present help in difficult trials. People and what they can accomplish can be great, but God is always greater.