The preservation of our mental health and wellbeing is a priceless necessity. In a society where most of us have internalized capitalism and normalizes over-productive behaviors, we must make it a priority to our social lives, especially as it relates to the various ways we communicate with and navigate around others. For me, the overwhelming juggle between school, work, and career-planning stress often leaves me with little time and energy for much else. By the time I’m finished with my obligations for the day, I find myself too exhausted to factor anything else into my already-limited schedule. As someone who hopes to combat these internalized tendencies–the ones that tell me that I must be productive all the time–I tend to take that extra time to care for myself and listen to my mind and body when I know it has reached its limits. That includes the energy I spend socializing with others, both in-person and online. 

Although self-preservation is important, it is also important to simply communicate your intentions to others when you need time and space to yourself. Whether your schedule is getting too busy, you’re ready to take a mental health break or you’re simply too tired to schedule plans, and even text back (we’ve all been there!), it’s still crucial to communicate those thoughts to our loved ones. It might be difficult to confront friends and family about making space—the idea that sometimes, one just needs time to themselves!—for fear of hurting feelings or breaking close bonds, but it’s much less intimidating to do so when we frame it in terms of boundary-setting. 

Being that I have struggled with this type of communication firsthand (and am also known, for that reason, to prefer low-maintenance friendships), here are some tips that will help the process of setting boundaries and communicating intentions feel less intimidating. 

1. Use text templates. As much as Twitter likes to make fun of these templates, the sheer act of using them is so important. These templates promote transparency and foster open communication, and you don’t have to sound so robotic if you prefer something more personal (although copy-pasting these templates can definitely help if you struggle with social anxiety or articulating your thoughts). You can keep the message short and sweet, as long as you communicate that you’re taking time away for yourself. 

2. You don’t have to apologize. These next three tips are more to do with changing your mindset as you go into writing these messages. After all, most of the difficulty lies in the hesitation to ask in the first place. You may feel like a burden or as if you’re asking too much but the truth is you’re not. Don’t feel guilty asking. In a world that asks us to socialize and produce all the time, taking time and making space for yourself is necessary. It’s also important to bring that to your words when you communicate your boundaries to those around you. You don’t have to say apologize for prioritizing your mental health. It will give you peace of mind and remember that it your request is about meeting your needs, not anyone else’s.

3. You don’t have to explain yourself. Often, it’s too easy to requests space and feel the need to offer a reason to validate that you actually need said space. If you aren’t comfortable with disclosing that, you don’t need to explain yourself. Sometimes, it’s much easier (particularly for you!) to just communicate your need for space and time without preparing three bullet points to back up your argument. You don’t need to prepare an essay! Similar to what I said about the importance of not feeling guilty, it’s important to start normalizing—both within yourself and in others—people’s need for space, both when we ask for it and when others ask for that from us. That includes not needing to give a reason. If you need space, then take it.  

4. Know that being able to articulate your boundaries is an act of self-care. Having time to yourself is important for one’s mental health, but the process of obtaining that space is equally as empowering and healing. Being able to articulate your needs without fearing how others will react to that request gives you power and agency over your own mental well-being. In addition, you’ll be learning about yourself and what you need to be a peace as well as who truly cares and respects your boundaries. This not helps you to build yourself up but ensures that the people around you have the same goal, which only helps to build a stronger, more compassionate network of folks around you.