Something I experienced and constantly tried to hide was the struggle I experienced within my relationship. As Chip and I ended the honeymoon phase and celebrated our one year anniversary, all the honeymooning came to a halt and neither one of us was ready.
We went from celebrating every month up until our first anniversary by going out to dinner, giving each other nice presents, and performing the extra acts of love that we all often do during those first few months of a relationship to completely losing all the romance once we hit the one year and one month mark. I FREAKED out, and it was all downhill from there given all of the other changes that were happening in our lives. Now I’m not here to talk about relationships. That’s a song for another time. I want to talk about the things I did that year that created a false perception of my relationship. This is something a lot of us tend to do in other aspects of our lives.
In the months leading up to our one year anniversary, everyone always talked about how perfect we seemed and how cute we were. These assumptions about my relationship only added pressure and created, in me, a fear of meeting, or worse, failing to meet society’s expectations.
Society’s expectations often come in the form of people’s opinions based solely on what they see. We’ve all heard them, either said to us or others. Statements like, “WOW! You have money. I see you with that Louis bag, that nice car, and those dope shoes” or “you’re literally perfect because you are always smiling in every photo,” and “you just look so happy.” Some of us like these assumptions because it might make us look superior. However, when the pressure to live up to these expectations kick in, it’s a different story. It’s when we start to feel like we are failing at reaching society’s expectations that the hiding begins.
When times were good during the early stages of our relationship, I posted everything. This included the flowers, the dates, etc. Basically, I was screaming, “Look guys, look at how perfect we still are.” But we weren’t. And no relationship ever is. When things were bad, I was silent in hopes that what I was showing people would hide the insecurity that was rooted in the way I thought our relationship was perceived.
Your perfect-insecurity might look like this:
- Posting photos with makeup, and never without.
- Posting photos where you only look good, skinny, fit, thick, but never posting photos on the days you might look a little more bloated than usual, a little less fit after taking a break from the gym, or whatever it may be.
Something I recently read in Sadie Robertson’s book, Live, but failed to understand for so long is that vulnerability is not a liability, it is a superpower.
I’m not saying that you have to post the bad parts or the hardships that occur in your life. I understand many people are private about personal aspects of their life. But I am saying that if you are only posting the positive aspects of your life with the intent to hide, you’ve got to reflect.
As for those who are constantly making comparisons to the picture-perfect lives that others portray, you have to stop! As college seniors, the comparisons many of us are making right now through social media look a lot like this:
What we see — Graduations, new jobs, new businesses, and engagements.
What we don’t see — All the tears, late-night hours, last-minute deadlines, broken friendships, and growing pains we experience in the process that aren’t showcased for everyone to see. In addition, all the rejection letters we get back when applying for jobs, the anxiety we face trying to create a business, and the whole year a seemingly perfect couple spends trying and working endlessly to make things in their relationship flourish, are often overlooked when we compare ourselves to others.
To those who struggle with comparisons, remember the behind-the-scenes work that is required to build an empire. Believe in the originality God created you with. Never form opinions about another person based on what they allow you to see. A phrase I’ve seen on Instagram says, don’t compare your beginning with someone’s end. Whether you hide behind a screen or not is completely up to you, but understand that being vulnerable shows strength. Vulnerability is a special thing that can cause a certain release in you as an individual that might impact someone else’s life. God gives us our own personalized stories, so that we could help each other.
Something I once heard in a sermon is that some of the happiest people aren’t those that have everything they could ever ask for. Some of the happiest people are those that sometimes don’t have anything at all.
Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.” We were created in God’s image – uniquely. He literally landscaped and sculpted each of us so specifically that he didn’t need to look at Betty or Sally when he was creating you. He was looking directly at you, and you only.
