I can’t tell you I have all the answers, but I can tell you that it will be okay. I can tell you that there are things far more important than constantly being in control.
Control has been a problem for me my whole life, but I’ve never truly realized it until now. Sometimes, attempting to be in control can feel like an obsessive compulsive disorder. Over-planning and obsessing over controlling every single controllable factor that happens in my life is something you can really count on me for. Unfortunately, I’ve learned it doesn’t work out the way us control freaks think. If you’re like me, you’re thinking about your tomorrow the minute you’ve woken up today.
I know, firsthand, that when you’ve spent the day before planning out the next day and one tiny, little unexpected thing throws you off, it can send you into a quick panic attack. Why? Because something happened that we didn’t plan for or weren’t in control of. Going with the flow? Sure we know how to do that, but we can only “go with the flow” if we mentally prepare for it.
And worst of all, when we aren’t in control, we quickly spiral into this series of events of self-sabotaging, which translates to us cutting the things that make us happy out of our lives because we don’t feel like we are in control of the future.
Amidst all of the planning and control, it’s super easy to forget a very simple thing which I like to call an “aha” moment. We forget we are not in control, plain and simple. God is. And no matter how hard we try to plan, control, and organize, we will always feel like our world is slipping through our fingertips as long as we don’t allow the Big Man upstairs to have the wheel – as cliche as that sounds.
About three and a half weeks into my 30 day fitness challenge, my mom and I had to take a last minute trip to Mexico. Meaning, we booked our tickets five days before our arrival date. We were going to visit family in Mexico, while also attending my uncle’s wedding. You can kinda say that the bigger picture of this trip completely went right over my head.
The thoughts that were going through my head were: How am I supposed to workout?, What on earth am I going to eat? I can’t drink a gallon of water a day if we are always on the go, and this is setting me back on my 30 day challenge. I know what you’re thinking. What a selfish, psychotic freak, but I promise you I really do suffer from always needing to have a plan.
I guess always needing a plan ultimately comes from the fear of my future. It’s a security blanket, really.
I wasn’t planning on going to Mexico and meeting so many amazing souls whom I’ve never met before, so many humble individuals that I get to call my family.
Ironically, the plan that I had, which was to go to Mexico and stay on track of my routine, was absolutely bogus in comparison to what Mexico had in store for me.
My whole life I’ve had an identity crisis being bi-racial. I’ve always been told I wasn’t enough of something to be black, or I didn’t speak enough Spanish to be Mexican.But here I found myself visiting such a beautiful country that my ancestors travelled to and from. I was able to visit the place where my beautiful grandma grew up as a little girl.
You know when you walk into your grandparents home and they have a bunch of vintage photos up on the wall of beautiful faces whose stories you’ve always wanted to learn and understand? I had to throw my planning in the trash, because I was finally getting that story behind my heritage.
I remember before my trip, I sat down with my other set of grandparents and expressed my worries to them. I truly was trying not to be a negative Nancy. My grandmother said something that will stick with me forever.
“The older we get, we only ever get together as a family in times of death.”
From that point on, I realized the bigger picture. There are far more greater things going on around us, and being present in the moment is included in that bigger picture. We take family gatherings, hanging out with our spouse, friends, and even just relaxing for granted.
I know this won’t be the first or the last time my obsession with planning and organizing flares up. But I can tell you that after writing this, I’m going to do my best to look up and look at the bigger picture, and I want to encourage all of you to do so too.
Remember that in the moments when we are over-obsessing or panicking, that there is always a bigger picture, and most importantly, there’s always a bigger and more important person in charge of our lives and that’s God himself.
People say it all the time – the plan you have for your own life might be the complete opposite to what God has in store. Confide in him and the most important thing us control freaks can pray for is the ultimate blanket of peace God could cover us in.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
