The Concept of Unattainability describes us, humans’, are more attracted to things that we perceptually can’t have, or things that are unattainable. In part 1 we talked about the dangers behind this concept from the perspective of the chaser. In this editorial, I wanted to talk to the people who would call themselves too attainable. These are people who feel like they get taken for granted, and in the end, spend a lot of days regretting even being so available because there was no reciprocity or appreciation. For all these people, it is important to know that you should never let how people treat you determine your self-worth, and in addition, we live in a world of balance – so balance some things out.

I think we have all felt too attainable in one way or another. With that being said, we can all attest to how bad it makes us feel. Ultimately this issue predominantly reigns in the realm of relationships, both platonic and romantic. Just like we human beings highly value the things we see as unattainable, consequently, we naturally value the things we see as too attainable less. This is not the reason why you should hate someone – sure, call them out on it, but don’t hate them. This is the way our brains work, we just need to be intentional about showing people their value everyday. The scary part about being undervalued by someone is when you start to adopt their false perceptions of you and use it as an indicator of your self-worth. Do understand that how people feel about you and who you are TWO, INDEPENDENT, STAND ALONE THINGS. When we confuse these things of being the same thing, that’s when we have trouble. You cannot stop everyone from undervaluing you, but you can stop yourself from letting it shape how you value yourself.

So then there’s the question. Should I make myself less attainable? Should I wait an hour or two before I text back? Should I say no to outtings and favors? Should I detach myself from the people that undervalue me altogether? 

Tbh I don’t know the answer to this question in depth. I know that sometimes it’s a “yes” and sometimes it’s “no”. This is why balance exists people. Keep some balance in your life. You don’t have to be the most attainable person, eager to be in relationships and be in the mix; neither do you have to be the unattainable person, intentionally living life without answering the phone, saying no to people all the time that may really need your help, or detaching yourself from everything just so you can feel precious. Use your discernment. If you’re too attainable, sit your eager ass down every now and then. If you’re playing the unattainable game, get over yourself, you shouldn’t have to do all that to feel precious. 

Ultimately, I believe making sure you love, and are comfortable with, yourself gives you the best footing in this game. When you love yourself, things flow naturally. And if you are being your natural self, being too attainable or too unattainable won’t matter to you. If people devalue you, you’ll already be secure in yourself. You’ll know your worth, so you won’t need to be intentional about distancing yourself or anything like that – you’ll know when to push forward, fall back and stand still. Don’t be that disingenuous person that says they’re focusing on them and “chasing the bag” – please. We all can catch the energy people give and know when its fake. A lot of times, people just say that stuff to come off as if they don’t care, but they really do. In fact, they are trying to act like they don’t care to look cool and unbothered, so they seem less attainable – and the cycle continues. 

Be you, love you, know your value as a fact you’d die for. The knowledge you’ll carry will influence your behavior in interactions.