For some, we think our greatest love story is when we finally find our soulmate, our one true love, our Cinderella or Prince Charming. I know I thought this for the longest time. But in actuality, a lot of us fail to realize the greatest love story is within ourselves. I know it doesn’t quite meet the standards of those picturesque love stories we all grew up on. Heck, as the romantic connoisseur I consider myself to be, I almost shed tears when I found out the relationship with my someday romantic partner wouldn’t be the most significant in my life. That relationship will be heavily important, yes, but not as important at times, as the one with myself. Because think about it, you will be with your partner for a day or a hundred years, but one day, sadly, that period will cease to exist. And that goes for anyone in your life. You will always be left with what you’ve always had: yourself. If you’re someone like me, you’ve struggled to love yourself in life, and at the times you’ve needed it the most. I say half of that reason is not knowing or really believing in myself, and the other is because I idiotically let people, things, and outside factors dictate my self-value and whether or not I would or could succeed.
I don’t just say this to you, but also to present and future me: What other people think of you is their problem; your only responsibility is what you think of yourself.
I know we’ve all heard that quote, but I, over these last few years, have just started to truly understand it in its fullest sense. I mistakenly looked at people, things, and the world to deem me successful or not. I hoped for them to give me self-worth. I nearly went mad trying to be what everyone expected and wanted me to be. And through all of that, I was left looking like a transfigured ball of Play-Doh and didn’t feel any more valuable than when I started. If anything, I felt even less valuable. Through all that hell and calamity, I learned one of the greatest life lessons I ever could: No one or thing can give you the validation or love that you can give yourself. From personal experience, the love and validation you give yourself lasts longer and truly fulfills your inner being.
My mother always reminds me that in this life we live, people will let you down, tear you, and do anything to put you down. And in the end, that’s none of your concern. However, she does alert me to something to live by. Only you can be concerned about your concerns. Your concerns will only worsen your endurance and anxiety. Something so short, yet so sweet that spoke volumes to me. Life and people will not always love you or be nice to you. So in the end, you truly have to do that for yourself. It’s no one’s obligation or duty but yours.
On this journey we’re all on, we all have to truly love ourselves. Loving yourself can come in many different forms: taking yourself out on a date, dressing up for no reason to remind yourself, you still got the juice, and most importantly combating every negative thought or word that comes from anyone, especially yourself, when they come along, with positivity about who you are. Doing this and many other positive self-reinforcement things will help when times get rough or your spirits are low. They’ll keep you going when you want to stop, give up and throw in the towel. They’ll help you block out the outside noise and listen to the one from within. Knowledge and self-love may not be everything you need, but they are a hell of a thing to have in this life. Godspeed.
