In Genesis 2:18 NLT, the Bible says: “Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” This verse reminds us that this walk we call life isn’t something meant to be done alone. Truthfully, how can you endure the good, bad, and ugly and get through it all fully intact with a smile on your face? Community. We all need it, men and women. I know through my lived experience as a man that it’s hard to reach out and build a community of your own, your safe space, due to a multitude of reasons: pride, ego, and being afraid to begin.
This longing for my own safe space led me to the idea that has become Men’s Mental Health Month. This is meant to be a time and space where men of all ages, walks of life, and most notably Christian men can be their authentic selves, take off the masks we all wear in our every day lives and be comfortable enough to express and vent about our trials along our journey of manhood. God be the glory.
As a man, I’ve struggled with being a man. What is a man? This is something men of all ages and from all walks of life question due to so many narratives that do not stem from God, the Bible nor ourselves, that are gunning to be “the source”.
Many of us as individuals, especially men, can attest to the negative portrayals, ideas, and role models that society, people, and social media try to make us believe in. These false sources try to make men believe in their facades of what a man is “expected” to be. They leave little room for us as individuals to create those molds for ourselves.
Everything but God told me that to fit into the mold of a man, I should be emotionless, and overly aggressive to a probable toxic point and that my goal in life is to have a catalog of women to conquer.
And that this would be where I gathered all my value as a man. As a Black man, the world expects me to be an absent father one day and considers me a criminal in every shape and form due to the shade of my skin. Most notably, I’m only useful to the world on a sports team or in a prison cell, and I could not dream of excelling in anything remotely close to academics.
In my early twenties, I found myself struggling with my grasp of my own manhood. I had and was doing everything the world said a man was supposed to have and do, and amidst all that, I was sad and devoid of happiness or joy. Truthfully, I felt hollow. And in the years after, I started speaking to other men about this topic: they spoke to similar experiences as well, shared the same sentiments, and were in the never-ending cycle that I fell into. It seemed like we were all trying to please or align ourselves with these false idol measuring sticks, society and people.
Galatians 1:10 NIV reminds us “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
I believe we’ve all done things to impress people and align ourselves with the social norms of our day. Where did this leave you? How did it make you feel? I know that every time I lived to please anybody other than myself or God, I never felt real or authentic. Many men out there can attest to the roles or negative limiting character traits that the world places on men as a whole. It doesn’t give or allow us to feel, make mistakes, to just be human. The world perpetuates this idea that all men should be lone wolves, be perfect, never struggle or cry, and never need nor long for help. Truthfully, this can be isolating and detrimental to all of us as men.
Many men struggle while attempting to live according to this worldly view of what a man is supposed to be. Personally, I failed at my attempts. During a certain point in my life when I was at my lowest, the worldly perspective of what a man is supposed to be made me believe suicide was my only way out into that “safe space” that so many men desperately long for. Yet, God be the glory, God saved me during my attempt at this. It’s not a secret that many men deal with mental health-related issues or worries, in our country, men are leading statistically in suicide deaths every year. This is likely as a result of their struggles, such as a lack of social acceptance, or them not feeling comfortable enough to confide in others, or even know how.
I personally believe we, as men, need to redefine this negative social norm of what men are expected or allowed to be. Otherwise how can we grow and heal as a community? I know all of us men ponder “What maketh a man?”, but maybe we should start focusing on what God calls ourselves as men to be (2 Corinthians 5:17). The more we realize and learn who we are and whose we are as men, the less we stop searching for direction and seeking our value from people and things that don’t have the authority or credibility to assign it.
I’m not saying it’s as easy as a flip of a switch or that we all will be perfect along this process everyday. Yet, I do say it’s liberating and empowering. And I say this all due to our hope in God. I pray and hope that this is what this recent month was for all of us men. God be the glory.
Scripture Reading: Genesis 2:18; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Galatians 1:10
