Sometimes, our minds and how we perceive people set us up for disappointment. We prop people up so high that we forget the constant similarities we all have in common like being human, having flaws, and making mistakes. I had to take a step back and realize that in many of the relationships in my life – from with my parents to my friends that I was holding them to an impossible standard. I placed what seemed like everyone on this imaginary pedestal where they could do no wrong and had everything in their lives under control, leaving myself on Earth where it seemed like I was not even close to what I thought they were, which is to say perfect.
It took me going to therapy and talking out different issues with my therapist for her to let me know what the actual problem was. She said, Phillip, you’re placing people on these ‘unrealistic’ pedestals, so when they don’t act according to that, your world doesn’t seem right. This had to be one of the biggest realizations I ever had in my life. It seemed like after learning this, a lot of the hurt I felt from the past melted away. I saw how my unrealistic way of placing people on pedestals created a disconnect in my life. Starting with my mother, I saw my mom as someone who had to be perfect, and if she fell short of the misguided perception I had of her, I decided she wasn’t being a good mother, or better yet, my idea of what one should be. This created barriers growing up in our relationship, but after I brought her back down to Earth and realized she’s still a person just learning how to navigate through life just like me, it made us closer. This happened for a lot of people in my life that I had placed on these unrealistic pedestals. It seemed after I learned this realization, God started showing me situations where they were struggling or stressing in areas of life just like I was. I finally saw them, not as elevated individuals or without blemish, but as simply being human.
Overall, the one thing I learned from this experience is that no one is perfect but God, so if you want to place anything or anyone on a pedestal, my recommendation would be God. If you see people for who they are, not this idea of what you think they should be, you’ll have less disappointment and inner turmoil when it comes to those closest to you, especially when they aren’t the perfect and infallible person that you think they should be. Because who are we to hold someone to this perfect scale when we wouldn’t dare do this to ourselves? And honestly, I think it’s great that we’re all not perfect. It means each and every one of us can still get better, become better people every day, and help one another in areas where we may fall short.
