Knowing what to do and doing it are two different things. Doing what’s best for yourself isn’t as easy as one might think. I truly believe that’s what mental health is in a nutshell. Mental health in simple terms is the journey of nutrition for the mind. It’s a never-ending journey that won’t end ’til we as people take our last breath. I write this not to as a dictator demanding you to do this or that, but my hope is for you to leave here with hope and a goal to better your own mental health on this life-long journey of loving ourselves. Help – the one thing we all need at points in our lives but will be the last thing we’ll ask for. I say as a man, a Black man, and as a large Black man, I struggle each and every day, not physically or socially in how the world places my ethnicity under the microscope constantly, but more so mentally than anything. I struggle to see the good in myself, seeing value, comparing myself constantly to the next person walking down the street, or childishly asking myself am I cooler than them in some form or fashion? I wake up and go to sleep with a million things racing through my mind. Most importantly, I question if I am doing this life thing right.
I’ve been through hardships as many of us have or will in this life. The craziest thing was, my most profound struggles in life weren’t being diagnosed with cancer twice at a young age or getting shot at as a teenager, or even being systematically oppressed by the country I call my home. It was shockingly the negative feelings and thoughts that flooded my head each day growing up. It’s funny how our parents tell us growing up that we’re great in some shape or form, but society makes us question that as we get older. We tiptoe to the line of believing in our family or the world. When, in retrospect, it is God who gives us definition – no one or thing has that power that we sometimes think. It took 21 years for me to come to that conclusion. But as the age-old saying goes, it’s better late than never. But that’s not the case for many in this world presently. I think a lot of us allow outside things and people to give us value or to determine if we meet the invisible social standard that we’re willing to do anything to reach. And if we think we’re failing to reach this impossible “facade” of a standard, then our mental health and self-image suffer for it. We hear and see people use money, drugs, and sex as coping mechanisms to deal with life and not feeling adequate. I know I did. I nearly went broke a handful of times to buy material things that would make me seem cool or what I was “supposed” to seem like for someone my age. I used sex and having a partner as this idiotic false social measure to deem me socially acceptable. And I ironically thought drugs and alcohol would cure the pain and voids I felt for so long internally. But I was sadly mistaken – these things only numbed or made the issue worse.
It wasn’t until I actually had a life realization moment: I literally had everything a man could want. The material things, the person, the money, and life seemed to be going how they should be. But the craziest thing happened, I felt the worst I ever felt in my life and was the most depressed. It’s not like I was living life right. I was confused, I had done everything society says we should do, but I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t until then, I realized no amount of money, people or things will be enough if you aren’t enough for yourself. I jokingly say, I wish I found happiness and a constant joy in those things society says we should, but I didn’t and I haven’t. I briefly say and think life would be easier that way, but that’s not life, that’s an upside-down dream. It was through God using my mentor who told me about therapy and mental health that I took a chance to better myself mentally and in a positive manner that I came to these conclusions.
Through therapy, I realized that yourself is enough and that if you aren’t well internally, no amount of external wealth or praise will fill those voids. In life, it’s truly up to you, it’s no one else’s job. My mother always said you have to be you’re biggest fan, motivator, and sometimes best friend because life will challenge you and bring you down to your knees. There’s no way around that. I think we tend to forget, we may not control everything in our lives, but we do have authority over ourselves. I know it’s easier said than done, but we still have to try at least. Godspeed.
