My friendships are one of the most important things in my life. The people who have become family despite the lack of shared DNA are people that I hold closest to my heart. Some of my friendships have lasted pretty much my whole life, and some aren’t even two years old yet. The bond I share with the people in my life right now is something I’ll be forever grateful for. If I do say so myself, I have great taste in friends. God had blessed me tremendously with the people I choose to surround myself with and pour into me. Each one of my friends are talented, trustworthy, dependable, goal-oriented, and I could literally talk about how great they are for days… but that’s not what I’m here to do. When God populated the earth, He said it was not good for man to be alone. Applying that to modern day, we need our friends. We need people around us who will hold us accountable, comfort us, listen to us, and be honest with us. The word “friend” has become so loosely used that people are getting that title without having the basic qualities that a friend should. 

Proverbs 27:17 says a friend will sharpen a friend. Are the people around you sharpening you? Or are they wearing you out and making you dull? The people you choose to surround yourself with often have a direct influence on the person you are or the person you become. This influence can be positive or negative, but it is important for you to recognize that it is there. Friendship, when it comes down to it, is about love and support. The love you receive from your friends includes the intimacy you crave, the laughs you need, the loyalty you long for and the respect you deserve. The support you get from your friends should come with the shoulder you need to cry on, the ears that will listen to you, the reality checks and accountability you need, and the companionship you desire. Your friends should be able to lift you up, encourage you, turn you up, and love you – all in the same way that God does for us. Surrounding yourself with people who don’t do these things only jeopardizes your ability to reach your full potential. 

There’s a story in the Bible where a sick man’s friends literally made a hole in the roof of a house where Jesus was healing people and lowered their friend into it because it was too crowded to get in through the doorway. Who is busting through roofs and breaking down doors for you?… Who would? If they never would’ve lowered him into the ground, he would not have received the healing and forgiveness he was in need of. Some “friendships” can hold you back from your blessing. They can be so draining that they are mentally breaking you down, and in that environment, it is nearly impossible to get any further in life. No ‘iron-sharpening’ can take place in stagnant and unfulfilling relationships. In this season of your life, ask yourself: What types of friends do I need? What types of friends do I have? We all should strive to reach a place where the answers to those questions are the same.

One thing that should be noted: it is hard to have good friends when you, yourself, are not a good friend. Reciprocity is truly one of the most important factors in a healthy friendship. You cannot expect the best from someone you are giving the bare minimum to. Someone is less likely to be there for you and encourage you if you don’t do the same for them. What we also have to understand is, what we need in a friend, might be different than what someone else needs in a friend and, what we THINK someone else needs in a friend, might not be the case either. We have to take the time to learn our friends, study them even, so that our friendships are productive. I used to have this habit of trying to counsel everyone or try to give advice when sometimes people just needed me to listen. It’s still a work in progress but once I understood the difference between what I thought my friends needed or wanted versus what they actually did, I became that much better of a friend. In order to be a good friend, you have to understand how your people receive love and what friendship means to them.

Start to prioritize the friendships that are adding to you and begin to let go of the ones that aren’t. Make sure you have friends that go the extra mile for you and that you are doing the same. Lastly, acknowledge the impact that your friends have on you. Let them know you appreciate them. It feels good to know that your love and support isn’t taken for granted or going unnoticed. 

“Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” – Muhammad Ali