In honor of the fact that it is Father’s Day (Happy Father’s Day!), I write today about some wisdom my father imparted to me, something that I hope you take and carry with you. In my 22 years of life, my father has taught me a variety of things in a myriad of ways. He’s taught me things simply by the way he lives and what he refuses to accept or entertain, but he’s also taught me as I was in the midst of something that felt insurmountable or something I simply couldn’t have figured out without his wisdom. So what I have for you today is an important lesson my father taught me enveloped in other tokens of his wisdom.
Getting right into it, more often than not, when we’re upset and in a disagreement with someone, be it a friend, family, etc., we don’t care too much about their feelings. We only care about our feelings, and that sense of entitlement often leads us to say or do something that will have ramifications long after the conflict is over. In the heat of the moment, we don’t care too much about our surroundings, decorum, or anything that will reel us in and calm us down.
As children, we longed to be adults, to have our own money, place, and life, but from my father, I’ve learned that adulthood is not all fun and games but about accountability, about taking responsibility, and about possessing the maturity to be able to do both those things. He’s always said, don’t make an excuse, make an effort and, isn’t about the mistake you made, but what you do after, and other adages like these that have made it abundantly clear that being an adult is about one’s character, integrity, and upholding what is right. And when we’re in conflict with not just a friend or family member, but someone we love, being right is not nearly as important as preserving the relationship.
Now, I’ll tell you what my father said and then provide its context: You don’t react to the situation but respond based on the nature of the relationship.
My sister and I were having a disagreement about something trivial at the moment and amidst our disagreement, I realized I hurt her. Although my intention was not to hurt my sister, in that moment, I did. Before I get to how I resolved things with my sister, I must confess I knew how to resolve things with her because of something else my dad has always told us, something that his mother told him. As my grandmother and father would say, hurt people hurt people, and if you find out why they’re hurting, they won’t hurt anymore. My father, who we woke out of his sleep came, and in a matter of words, he helped us to see what was important, which was not the argument but my sister. Too often in disagreements, we want to “win”, but my sister was not and is not my opponent or any enemy for me to defeat. She’s my best friend, as I affectionately call her, and more importantly, my sister, which is an intrinsically stronger bond. As my father has reminded me all my life, we are not just sisters bonded by his and my mother’s blood that runs through our veins but sisters-in-Christ who are saved by grace and the blood of Jesus Christ. Our relationship is not only invaluable but everlasting, so before either one of us said something we couldn’t take back, we heeded our father’s wisdom and reconciled because our relationship is too important, and when you love someone, not only do you not want to see them hurt, you don’t want to be the reason they are hurting either.
Recently, I graduated from college, and I can say without a shadow of a doubt that my greatest teacher is my father; no one has taught me more than him.
Time after time, his wisdom has enlightened me, has refined me, and in this case, prevented me from hurting someone I love. On this Father’s Day and every Father’s Day, I am grateful to have been blessed with a father that leads by example, cherishes his family, and moves mountains without ever complaining or seeking anything in return. Most of all, I am blessed because he connected me to the greatest power source there is – God. To my father and all fathers, Happy Father’s Day!
